We have something to look forward to--assisted living

In the movie "Casablanca", when a tuxedo wearing banker at Rick's learns that another banker from his city is now pastry chef in the kitchen, he observes "We have something to look forward to."  Though he was being ironic, he was eventually literally correct, as the war eventually ended, probably without his resorting to culinary crafts to get by.  Compared to the other memorable lines in the movie, it's not a gem, but it works in the situation.

He could be speaking for all of us now, as my experience the last few years spending time in assisted living and rehabilitation centers with my parents has shown me.  We don't think about that last part of our lives, how it affects us living our lives now, but it is worth considering.  I've learned a couple things the last couple years, listed below in order of increasing importance.

Enjoy spicy food now.  Your digestive system will want calm foods when you're older and will have ways of making life unpleasant when you stray.  See the next item.

Learn which side of adult diapers face the front.  Sort of related to above.  We will all have continence issues of some kind at some point, and there are a variety of products, some with tape, some pull-ups, some in different colors, to satisfy one's needs.  I expect designers will eventually see the market in aging baby boomers wanting to remain stylish in later years no matter where they are.  I can see a commercial in a couple decades featuring an elderly Brooke Shields, echoing her then explosive line "Nothing comes between me and my Calvins" with "Nothing leaks from my Calvins."

Start enjoying soft and glop-like foods.  As we age, our motor skills for cutting and eating food will decline, as will our ability to chew sufficiently to swallow without choking.  Soft foods that can be easily brought to the mouth and minimally chewed will be our diet.

Play with your gadgets now.  All the motor skills for operating remote controls, smart phones, even pen and pencil, will decline to the point that doing anything with our hands will be extremely frustrating.  Hopefully gadgets will become more voice activated that hand operated: otherwise your toys will be part of your past.

"Go climb a rock" was a slogan printed on a lot of t-shirts when I was a kid.  Think about everything that you enjoy doing, anything that gives you joy, that makes you feel alive.  Do it now.  A lot.  You won't be able to later.  Do you love to read, but don't make time for it now because you have work or other stuff to do and think I can read when I'm old?  You won't.  Your eyes will go to hell (I have to change my glasses every couple years now, and I'm only 50) and you will have a tendency to nap that will drown out reading.  Like doing things outdoors?  Go out and explore now.  Mobility and energy will decline, making even leaving a building a challenge.  Like listening to music?  Listen a lot now, as hearing declines along with eyesight, sometimes faster.  No matter what you like doing, do it now.  Climb the rock. 

When they first moved into assisted living, my father observed that many people spend their days in chairs "staring into space, reviewing their lives."  There will be lots of time to think about what you did and didn't do in life.  Make sure you try or do everything you ever wanted to try or do, now.  Along the same lines, make sure you always did the right thing.  You will have ample time to review your actions.

If there is someone in the world who you love more than anyone else, who makes life worth living, spend every possible moment you can with him or her.  Unless by freak accident you both die at the same time, one of you will die first.  My parents in their 90s are always among the one or two couples still alive together in the assisted living centers where they have lived.  Everyone else is alone.   People talk about their children and grandchildren.  In a more distant fashion, they speak about their spouses.  Never about big trips, cars, houses, things that they owned.  Usually it's the little rituals, going to a certain place for lunch every Saturday, or some other little thing they used to do together.  They hardly ever talk about the careers they had.

Well, that's it.  Obama recently gave up on addressing long term care insurance through the government.  So unless another president picks up the standard in less stringent economic times, our care when we get older will be left to the same kinds of organizations that provide our health insurance.  Many point to family members helping when people get older.  But how many people live in the same city or state as their parents?  In DC, most of the folk who I know who have elderly parents have a sibling or another relative elsewhere seeing to their parent's needs while the DC folk pursue their careers here.  I've come to recognize relatives of some of the residents at the assisted living places who come with some frequency, but staff at the places say many people have no visitors, even those with family nearby.  Just last night a woman at the dinner table next to my parents' table asked another resident's daughter to take her to the doctor because her own children are too busy.  A lot of time alone ahead.  Enjoy life as much as possible now.